Office Party and feeling better

Yesterday was my office Christmas party, the last one I'll be attending. I actually had more fun than I thought I would. I spent the whole day feeling horribly about how I look, but no one really noticed my missing teeth and I'm being very careful with how I speak for now. And I was still getting compliments that I looked good, so maybe it won't be so bad after all. I'm glad I know now that I can be around people and speak and the gaps are hidden because now I'm not as worried about starting the new job. Hopefully they won't even notice, and I already know they hired me with the braces, so that shouldn't even be an issue.

I haven't had much pain but the worst thing is not being able to eat like I want to. I did find out though that manicotti is very good for eating when you've had extractions. That and ravioli, because it melts in your mouth. Also cheese slices, broken up. I've also been drinking Ensure, but I should have gotten some yogurt. I don't know why I didn't think to buy any because it's probably the healthiest thing I could eat right now. Also manicotti cheese can still get stuck in your holes. I had to flush them last night, even though I'm still paranoid about getting a dry socket. It usually starts after 72 hours and tonight will mark 72 hours without teeth, so hopefully I'll make it passed the worry period.

I really can't wait for the holes to heal so I can eat whatever I want again, and I also really can't wait for the wire to be put back in my mouth, because there won't be any movement until that wire is back. Once I start seeing a good improvement, I'll start putting up progress pics. I don't want to start with just my ugly teeth pictures.

It's gotta get worse before it gets better

Ho boy. So extractions happened today. I feel better now, but I was hysterical before. It didn't even hurt, but it was such a traumatic experience, having teeth taken out that aren't even bothering you. And I look disgusting. I'm most traumatized at how I look. Thankfully my days at my old job are limited and hopefully I won't have to talk much to anyone. I'm so nervous about starting the new job with missing teeth. At least I'll have the wire back by then and the gaps can start closing, and hopefully the holes will be healed a lot by then and won't look too awful. I don't think they'd un-hire me just cuz of my mouth, especially since hiring people wastes so much time and money. I know when I have the wire though and the gaps I'll feel even uglier. For a second (okay more than that) I felt like I wish I could take it back; that the braces and straight teeth weren't worth the trauma. I can't even tell you right now that I change my mind. But maybe when I start the job and nothing bad happens and when the gaps start closing, I'll change my mind back and believe it to be all worth it. Right now I didn't have dinner and I'm afraid to swallow for fear of knocking out a blood clot. I have no idea how I'm gonna eat when I'm afraid to drink water. This is really uncomfortable and it's not a good day. Only cool thing is the missing teeth and blood and slightly pointy teeth look like I should be in a vampire movie. Maybe I should do that right now before I start a new job hahaha.

Hopefully I'll be in a better mood next post. At least I can say one thing: my boyfriend was so supportive and let me cry hysterically on his shoulder. Then when I calmed down he got me to laugh and he made jokes so that made me feel better. At least I'm not alone in this, I just wish I could talk to someone who went through it. See ya guys!

Wires out, extractions in a few days, freaking out

Let's start this post off with some good news! I got the job I wanted! This is the first job I got on my own that I will be accepting. No help, I didn't know anyone on the other side. I just applied, interviewed, and got what I wanted. I feel very proud and happy about this. Not so happy that I'll be starting the job with gaps in my mouth though >_>. At least I get to start when I wanted to, in January, rather than in an exact 2 weeks. So hopefully the extractions will be healed and I won't look as awful. But the gaps will still be noticeable I fear, as you will soon see why.

I got my wires taken out yesterday and it became more real that I will be having 4 fine teeth removed and I was so sick and worried I almost puked. I'm so worried about the consciousness of the whole experience, the gaps I'll have after, the fact that nothing is wrong with those teeth, I just don't have the room for them. It's all so nerve wracking. The assistant was trying to make me feel better which was nice, but...I'm still so nervous. Pulling teeth is like horror movie status for me. Also I found out I'd be getting my wires put back in TWO WEEKS later. Cuz of course my ortho is going on vacation. So I have to wait two weeks with no wires, just noticeable large gaps that won't close even a bit because I won't have wires putting pressure on them to close them! Here I thought I'd have two weeks for the wires to close the gaps even a little bit and now I'm going to have two days. Only two days before I start my new job. They won't be closed even a half of a centimeter. Not even a millimeter. I bet nothing is going to happen. And I have to start a job, with gigantic hill billy gaps and braces. It makes me sick thinking about it. My ortho said the teeth will move toward the gaps even without a wire and I pray she's telling the truth because I need some progress before I start the job. I'm so afraid of how this will look it makes me miserable. Sooo nervous. I know it's progress but damn. And I really hope that because it costs a business so much to find new workers that I won't get fired right away from this job because I'm hideous to look at. I'm going to have to find a way to look as professional and pulled together as possible since I'll be toothless....UGHHHHHH I HATE THIS.

PS I broke a bracket and I've been eating like a paranoid person and STILL broke it. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Feeling better, but anxious

Well I have to say I have much improved since the last post. I no longer feel as gross, I'm not really in pain (except for the occasional wire rubbing), and eating doesn't feel as awkward. HOWEVER, I am super super super anxious about these extractions. I'm not looking forward to really not being able to eat, and I'm not looking forward to being seen with missing teeth, or the pain, or the fear of dry socket...any of those things. And of course my work Christmas party is a day and a half afterwards, and I won't even be able to eat. I'm so not looking forward to the gaps, but I am looking forward to the progress it will bring. I've heard so many things ranging from the gaps close within a month or two, to it could take about a year. But considering my braces wearing period will be 2-2.5 years, that means for more than half of it I'll probably have straight teeth, albeit in braces, but straight! What I've always wanted. And the way I look with the braces really doesn't bother me enough that I'll hate looking at myself for the full two years. Once my teeth are straight, even with the braces, I'll feel so much better and more confident. I have to keep telling myself this because the fear of these gaps is insane.

On a side issue, I STILL haven't heard back from my interview and I'm so super nervous about it. I really, REALLY want that job and now I'm worried what if I don't get it. At least I know it won't be from my braces, but still...I want it :( I've been waiting so long for a strong job lead and I don't want to lose this one. Especially since I've been looking for 6 months, scored 3 interviews at different jobs, but still no yes? WHYYY

At least I won't have gaps at a new job... sigh. Hopefully better news next time guys!

Bottom brackets and the fun begins

Holy cow, the bottom brackets caused a complete and utter backtrack in progress. I feel absolutely, positively disgusting. I hate them. I thought the bottom would be easier, but no. They are so much more painful, so obvious, they cause my lower lip to protrude in a disgusting way, and I have a speech impediment. And both sets of teeth look so disgustingly crooked that I don't think it would have mattered if I picked clear brackets or metal ones. I have so much pain while eating because the brackets constantly scrape my inner lower lip. I hate them. I really hope this ends up being worth it because right now my self-image is in the crapper. I feel like a geeky high school kid again. And the extractions happen on December 18th. I can only imagine how I'll feel being exactly as I am now but with missing teeth like a yee-ho. I'm sick just thinking about it. I really hope I didn't make the wrong decision, especially about these extractions. I hope it's all worth it in the end because now it's too late to change my mind. To think life is so short and I worried about crooked teeth and now who knows what could happen? Also, what happens if I get this new job? What am I gonna start with gross gappy mouth? Ughhhhhh bad day...bad day =/

I hope I have a brighter, happier post next time I post...

Long Delayed Interview Post

So I had my interview last Wednesday and I think it went quite well. When I got in there I didn't even think about my braces. I think I'm too used to them now. I barely realize they are there and I'm about as self-conscious about them as my crooked teeth in general so it wasn't so bad. I concentrated on answering the questions to the best of my ability and show how able for the job I was. One of the women said she was very impressed with me, and for the first time ever every person I interviewed with responded to my thank you letters after the interview. I never usually get responses so not only was this hopeful, it also solidified my desire to work there because it's the kind of environment I want to be in with the kind of mannerly and professional people I want to work with. Plus the benefits are good for me and they have a great work/life balance which I greatly appreciate. I'm hoping to hear an answer back soon and hopefully it will be good news.

My best advice for an interview with braces would be advice for any interview. Remain confident, don't be shy, and make sure to showcast your abilities and your interest in the company. That's the best you can do. Be polite, ask questions, and always send a thank you. They'll love you and overlook any "flaw" you see in yourself, including being an adult with braces.

Tomorrow I get my bottom brackets and I'll then post about them. I'll probably start posting pics when I see some sort of progress. And I sure hope my mouth doesn't hurt too much since Thanksgiving is this Thursday. I hope you all have a happy holiday! :)

Updates!

Hello All! Unfortunately I don't really have any mouth updates except that random teeth will hurt..randomly. I don't see any movement or anything as of yet, but it's gonna be a long journey so what else is new? I have the appointment for my spacers next Tuesday and then the week after that the bottom brackets are on.

So what is this update I speak of? I have a job interview next Wednesday!!! I'm so excited and it came so out of the blue. I had applied to a job over a month ago, got called to do a video interview (which is horribly awkward and I totally phailed at) and got the "I'm sorry to inform you that you didn't get the job" letter a week or so after. But surprisingly enough I got a call from an unknown number yesterday, and apparently it was the same place calling back because the person they originally picked didn't work out. How often does that really happen?? Now I'm sure I'm not the only person they are looking at, but I am excited I got a call back and I was told I was called back because I had seemed to be a really strong candidate. (really? even with that horrible webcam interview???) Well shocked as I am, I am also super excited. Trying to remain positive but also not get my hopes up too high. I don't know how well I'm doing at that because I was so excited all day at the thought of leaving my current job behind forever, and pave the way for a real career in higher ed that I've been wanting for so long. But there are still issues...I'm nervous interviewing with my braces first of all, and second of all, while I have most of the requirements, I do not have one...it's a "preferred" requirement, so I'm hoping maybe they'll let it slide if I excel in all other areas. I'm going to study up as much as I can because I am so excited and hopeful that I may get this job. I will also post all information when it's done and let you know any tips I figure out on interviewing with braces on. See you guys!

Tick Tock

Well now I have taken a really long time to post another update. I'm definitely going to promise that I'll post as much as possible in a given month, but so far I have nothing really to report. I'm getting used to the braces for sure, but now I'm becoming anxious about the bottom brackets. They will be traditional metal, so what if that's when I start looking noticeable or looking stupid? And I'm also growing impatient with the lack of progress...I mean it's been what, two, three weeks already?? (I know, I'm being ridiculous). I also know that I won't see much progress until my four teeth are removed, which is both horrifying and exciting. I really want to see a vast improvement, but I know with missing teeth it will definitely be a "it has to get worse before it gets better" situation, and I really, REALLY hate those. But I think once a full year has passed I will probably make the most upbeat and excited post because I know there will definitely be progress by then, and I'm so excited to see how far I've come by then. I'd also like to have another job by then so I hope somewhere along the way I'll make an "interviewing with braces" post and hopefully again only good results will come. I'm trying hard to be as upbeat as possible, and I'm just glad I have so many supportive people by my side.

I'm also getting way better with food and so as long as it's not a food that can stain my ligs, I can eat whatever I want. I still have an anxiety attack when eating red sauce though, and I don't think I've had a cup of coffee since Sunday, but I refuse to drink it without a straw and make my mouth all stained. I'm going to be as mature about this as possible, because I know when it's all over, I'm going to eat a big, hard, hero sandwich (maybe with a dark sauce or dressing), a large cup of coffee, and twix for dessert. I'll celebrate like crazy, and that makes it so much more worth it. It WILL be worth it in the end, no matter how hard the journey...I just have to keep telling myself that! :)

I can't believe I missed so many days! (okay 2)

I have no update on the progress of my mouth and I'm starting to think I imagined the tooth moving. However I do still feel pressure on my teeth and how much progress can you expect in less than 2 weeks anyway?

On Tuesday I celebrated the birthday of a good friend Gabby with some other friends. No one commented on my braces, except Gabby who is also an adult with braces. It was nice talking to someone who understood it. And the night was super fun, I didn't even feel self-conscious (about the braces, I ALWAYS feel self-conscious about my mouth)

Yesterday I had a relaxing time at home and same with tonight. But today was the first time my manager and my boss noticed them. My manager was totally nice about it, and I already loved her so it was fine. She said she even wanted braces because she has an open bite that bothers her. Other than that though her teeth are fine, so I don't know if she wants to spend the money, but good for her if she does. My main boss just asked me "what's with the braces?" I just told him I needed them and let it pass. So overall nothing too bad and I'm feeling more and more comfortable. I already felt self-conscious about my mouth, so really, what's different now?

This weekend I'm going shopping with my best friend and then meeting our other friend for dinner, and another friend on Sunday for coffee, so it should be a really fun weekend. I'm excited and in a way better mood. Hooray!

I still feel like my ligs are stained though, so I'm avoiding coffee and dark soups, and I read somewhere to try a paste of hydrogen peroxide and baking soda, so I may just do that!

A think a tooth is moving!!!

I think one of my teeth is moving. The annoying snaggletooth that I hate so much seems to have shifted, or there's a larger space between the two teeth that are pushing it out and I love it! I could be imagining it, but at least I have only progress to look forward to now, rather than just staring at my naked and unmoving teeth with disgust. I had a nice day at work today, but it's sort of sad that aside from my closest friends, the people I'm most comfortable with are my coworkers, rather than my other friends. I thought it would be the opposite. I guess I have nicer coworkers than I thought :)

I really can't wait to get my bottom braces now. I just want both sets all tied up so progress can happen everywhere. I'm also freaking out because I really think I stained my ligs. Now I'm avoiding coffee at all costs unless I have a straw (I bought some at the grocery store today) and no more dark soups. Maybe if I learn from this mistake, the next time I get new ones I'll do a better job. They don't look awful, but they do look sort of discoloured. ahhhhhh! So not good because if I have to interview in these things I'm going to have to make them as squeaky clean as humanly possible. Ughhhhhhh...I need to try harder, but now I'm tired lol. Goodnight all!

Mental Attitude Set Back

Today I had a major set back with my emotional well being involved with these braces and my mouth in general. I don't know if it has to do with feeling like a freak yesterday at the party, but I'm so ashamed of my mouth. I felt so disgusting all day. My brother said one side of my face looked swollen, and it did, but at the bottom, and I'm afraid that it means another root canal for a bottom tooth and that will delay progress and I've just started! I don't want any delay, I want it to be over, sooner rather than later. And I feel like my clear ligs are getting stained even though I'm trying to be as careful as possible. And a piece of gum over one of my teeth is red and I don't know why. So my mouth feels like a trash bin and I just hate the way I look. I know I need to break out of this and think positively, but it was so damn hard today. And on top of that I miss my mom. But I'm making it my mission to break out of it though. I need to stop obsessing about what I can't change right now. That means I'm going to get a hair cut, start getting my nails done again, be more responsible with putting on makeup, start working out again, eating right, and just letting myself relax. Even if I have to wait to improve my mouth, there are other things I can focus on until then. Other parts of my appearance and helloo how about my job search again? And I need to start reading again. Not people's stupid rants, but articles and books. I need to expand my mind and refocus. It's time to do this. I have to.

On a side note, dad's birthday went fine, I don't think he noticed my braces and neither did my aunt surprisingly. Or they just didn't say anything, but that's pretty unlikely with the two of them, and I can eat shrimp oreganato, pizza bread, Parmesan cheese, and pumpkin pie. Score for more tasty foods that don't bother my mouth! Let's see how tomorrow goes and the beginning of my mission to divert this negativity!!

Halloween Party and Dad's Birthday

The party went pretty well last night. No one really mentioned my mouth...to my face at least. And I'm pretty sure one person was being snide, but compared to all of the people there, it wasn't really a big deal. Plus I always have a choice of avoiding parties for the next two years anyway lol! But now I know all of my besties are totally cool with it, not one bad thing to say, and even made me laugh really hard about anybody who could possibly be snide about the braces. This is why I know I have good friends. Great friends in fact. So all I need to know is if I'm okay at work, I'm okay with friends, and everything is great with boyfriend, then my journey will be fine, and still totally worth it.

Today I have dad's birthday party. I really don't care if he or my aunt says anything because it's partially his fault I never got these things when I was supposed to. So if I look stupid and he says something, I'll tell him thank you :).

Perhaps I'll post later to update on the party. Now the list of foods I can eat comfortably has grown to include cake, small pieces of chips, and mushroom tartlets. Hooray!!

Halloween Partyyy!!

Okay so I no longer have to post date my blog because I'm finally posting in real time. Yay!

Today I have a Halloween party with some good friends of mine and my besties. Besties have already seen my braceface, but not everyone else, so I'm sort of nervous. Will people say something or will it be ignored? I think mostly friends don't ignore such things, but hopefully it won't be too bad. Either way, yesterday two of my friends told me the top clear brackets are so unnoticeable that it's really no big deal, and it happened to be two friends that I know wouldn't lie to me to make me feel better, so it makes me feel better. I don't really feel too bad about it though because I just know I'll only see progress from now on. I mean, I can't wait until I have braces on straight teeth rather than braces on crooked teeth, but I know every day is a step to a straight, nice smile, and I will always be excited for the day I go in to have them taken off. Depending on where I work at that time I may just take the day off and spend it going everywhere and smiling at random people. They'll think I'm crazy, but eh, who cares? And by then that's when I'll post on Facebook that I had them. No one in the Facebook world needs to know that now; I'd rather keep it to my close friends and coworkers.

My friend also told me I should go crazy with coloured ligs, but I'm not sure I'm confident enough for that, nor will I ever be with braces on, I don't think. I've pretty much decided though that if I ever decide to go crazy with coloured ligs, it will be when I'm two-three months away from getting them off. Might as well make the final stretch something to celebrate, right?

So I'll probably post a little later, or tomorrow, on how this Halloween party goes. So far two more of my besties haven't seen my braces, so that will get done today. Then all of the most important people in my life will have seen them, aside from my family. That step will be tomorrow, for my dad's birthday party.

On a sidenote, I think Tumblr girls are the only people who look cute or beautiful in braces. I found this blog that has the cutest pictures. I don't know if I feel jealous or if I admire them...I probably admire them, jealousy is sort of a wasted feeling. If you guys want to, take a look at it. The blog may give good ideas on hair or makeup that distracts the braces. http://clarity3m-braces-adult-age.tumblr.com/

I guess that's about it for now guys. I'll keep you updated!!

New easy to eat food items: Fried potatoes and scrambled eggs and onions. Yum! Breakfast lives!

October 25, 2013
Did I mention how much I miss eating the way I used to? Not even a full week and I already can’t take it. How will I eat sandwiches? When will a burger be in my future again?? As I said I’m majorly paranoid that anything I eat will knock off a bracket or break my wire so I’m eating tentatively as it is. Plus I’m somewhat sore. Forget eating carrots. And no nuts…but I like nuts… Oh well, it WILL be worth it, and maybe I’ll find a blog of someone whose boyfriend offered an engagement ring after 365 days of soups, rather than sandwiches. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, see here, http://nypost.com/2013/09/24/i-wooed-my-man-with-a-sandwich/.

I’m hoping that maybe I can use this time to eat healthier. If I already can’t eat what I want, I might as well eat healthy, which I also do not want. Hahaha. But I can’t eat any hard veggies or high acid fruits. Why must everything be difficult?! And on top of that, I can’t have anything that will stain my clear ligatures, which is hell in and of itself. Everything I eat I’m afraid will stain them. But I must say, I think Chinese food, and maybe other Asian food options, will be my saving grace. The noodles are sooo soft I can eat them without a problem. Rice is also very easy for me. At least I won’t have to give that up! But it’s still not healthy. I’ve decided I need to up my Calcium and Vitamin D intake because braces can aid in bone loss in jaws, which of course is the thing I target and decide to worry about. I’m going to invest in some Women’s Centrum, which has half your daily value of Calcium, some Cod Liver Oil pills, and stock up on almond milk, yogurt, spinach, maybe broccoli if I steam it enough, and some others. Maybe I’ll even get some protein shakes. I gotta prepare for my inevitable extractions of 4 (yes, 4!!!!) teeth anyway.

Today I got to use my WaterPik that I bought based on some suggestions in blog posts and such. It was…interesting… but I’m in love with it. It took awhile to understand how to use it because I like to see what I’m doing when I’m flossing. So that’s how I started and I ended up with a soaking wet face, wet hands, and a wet wall. Guess I have to give up that love of seeing what I’m doing. I flossed a second time with my mouth closed and just got used to feeling around. My mouth feels fantastic and even looks way cleaner than it usually does! It looks like this device is going to be my friend, even after I’ve had the braces taken off. My other discoveries today were, 1, do not eat bean and tomato soup if you have clear ligs because you’ll be paranoid the whole time that you’re staining them and 2, I can eat popcorn shrimp, fries, and chicken tenders without much problem! You may have noticed I still can’t find any healthy food to eat besides for smoothies and juice. That’s a problem. I need to find a better way. Maybe I’ll make a list at some point. Ciao for now guys.

October 24, 2013

So here I am creating a multiple entry introduction to my process, and I got my top braces on this past Monday, October 21st. I decided on the clear brackets on top, and I’m probably going to get regular on the bottom because they said my teeth are too crowded for the clear on the bottom. I guess that’s fine. At least the top set won’t be too too noticeable. It’s still definitely noticeable though, but I’d rather not go through the dreaded lisp brought on by lingual braces. I know people have said it goes away, but I’ve seen too many people with other hardware that still have speech impediments even after a year. I’d rather not risk it. I talk too much anyway. So, a week after they put in my spacers, I got the top braces. The spacers hurt a lot. It hurt when the orthodontist put them in, but after that it felt fine. I ate alright that night, just paranoid about having them fall out since I was told this could happen. But oh my goodness, when I woke up the next morning?? My teeth hurt soooo much. I couldn’t chew on anything. And when I tried to floss later on that night? I almost died. I had to take a pain killer just from flossing. It wore off after two days, but it doesn’t make me excited to get the bottom spacers.

The braces experience was different than I thought. It didn’t hurt and the brackets don’t look *that* bad, and they don’t tear at the sides of my mouth or anything. My stomach sank when she put in the wire. The brackets themselves are so unnoticeable, but add a metal wire and no matter how thin, you’re going to notice. However, after a few sessions in front of the mirror, I sort of got used to it. The braces really don’t look that much worse than my regular gross teeth, so why sweat it? I’m pretty sure it’s that “adult braces stigma.” I don’t even know what people think about adults in braces, and I don’t think I want to know. I know bad teeth are a sign of poverty so people probably thought I was a trailer park person, which is totally not the case. And most people want to know, “Why didn’t you get braces in high school or middle school?”…you know, when it’s normal. But who cares?? If you want to build your confidence, you can do it whenever you want. It’s never too late. And you can do it whatever way you see fit, unless it involves hurting another person.

My experience so far has been alright. No severe pain; I’m just horrified of eating. I feel as if any food I eat will break a bracket or my wire and that means more appointments and a longer treatment period. I already have an estimated 2.5 years, I don’t need this to last any longer!! I’m going to miss eating comfortably soo much, especially since I love eating! I secretly keep telling people I’m only estimated for 2 years because I’m hoping maybe my teeth will hear it and move faster. My friends and family have been supportive. My brother wants them too but can’t afford them right now, but I will fully support him when he gets it done. Thankfully no one at work has made any bad comments, which is what I was worried about since I work in a sort of catty office for a law office. If someone said or is saying something, I haven’t heard about it, and I hope I never do. I mean it’s only been 3 days at work with them, but overall no one is bothering me and that makes me feel sooo much more comfortable. I really want to start looking for a new job, but I know I can’t just yet because my teeth in braces and crooked is just too much. I really don’t think anyone would hire me as I am now…not yet.

I think out of everyone though, my biggest supporter is my boyfriend Aaron. We’ve been living together for a year now, since I left my house during Sandy. It’s been a pretty smooth ride and we firmly intend to marry each other. Maybe that’s why he is so easy going about the whole thing. We’re stuck with each other forever, so why worry about a couple of years? But he hasn’t made one nasty comment, has made sure I feel comfortable, and wouldn’t stop staring at me until I stopped feeling awkward around him. He doesn’t think I look horrible, he’ll always look at me with love, and he’s proud that I’m doing something I want so badly for myself. With a guy like him, who could be worried about all of this? At least I have firm support on all the right sides. My next appointment is November 19th for my bottom spacers, and then November 25th for my bottom braces. It looks like I won’t be enjoying Thanksgiving dinner this year . And one of my favorite holidays too. Oh well, just another thing to add to the list of things I can’t wait to do when I get my braces off! I’ll start a list in the next post and maybe I’ll keep adding to it throughout this project. See you guys later!

PS: I will put up pics eventually, because you can’t see the progress until you see how bad it is >_>

October 23, 2013

I’ve wanted to get braces so long ago I can’t even remember when it started. Maybe when one of my ex-boyfriends told me I’d never be able to get a job because my teeth aren’t straight (or white enough) and it looks unprofessional and maybe I should fix that. It started then, but even though I soon realized he was a jerk, and I would totally be able to get a job, I did agree my teeth needed work, and badly. While I did not obsess about it, I did think my mouth was gross and refrained from smiling with teeth in any pictures. Once I broke up with my next boyfriend, I became obsessed. I don’t know what sparked the change, but soon my teeth were the bane of my existence. I despised them. I felt disgusting, embarrassed, and absolutely resolute in getting them fixed. So what was the problem? I had no job, no income of my own, and my parents wholeheartedly DISAGREED with my desire. Now, while I can understand why they didn’t want me in braces as a youngin’ (we had a lot of stuff going on), I had NO idea why on earth they were so against it when I decided I actually wanted it. The answer was, “No, your teeth are fine. People your age don’t get braces. Just no.”

As the years passed I’d still try to bring up the subject of the dreaded braces. The answer was always a creative variation of the above. *sigh* I would dream of the day I could get my own job, move out, and get those braces that I desired so strongly. Every fiber of my being knew it was the right decision, but the inability to do it was disheartening. It also didn’t help that I’d try to Google all I could find on the subject and it would just make me worry. What would people think? Would I look like a freak? Well I could get clear braces..oh you can still see them. Well I could get Invisalign…what? My teeth are too crooked for that?! How about lingual? The dreaded lisp. Well what choice did I have? Look like a freak or sound like a lisping fool. Are teeth really worth this? My parents thought no, so, maybe they were right.

Eventually I would calm myself down, tell myself I was fine the way I was, and stopped obsessing…until the next session started. Even when I was calm, talking to people was uncomfortable because I was always afraid of what people were thinking about my teeth. And because I read too many things that told me if you don’t look a certain way, you’re less likely to get a job, have friends, go on dates, or be happy. Damn it is amazing what we let media tell us. My teeth were gross, but I had tons of friends that seriously liked me, I had no problems getting boyfriends, I got a job, and I was mostly happy. But no matter what, straight teeth are not only good for self-confidence, but also good oral health. I have a snaggletooth that I bite my lip with often and my dentist told me in its current position I could lose the tooth, and that would be way worse than any braces. The idea of being able to floss without difficulty is so exciting.

So fast forward about 5 more years. Here I am, 25, in the same mode of thought about my teeth. It’s better late than never I guess. 24 was my most difficult year, losing my mother, dealing with hurricane Sandy, and in my final year of my Masters Degree program. If I could go through all of that and survive, I’m pretty sure I can survive a couple of years in braces. After all, I’ve survived all of these years hating my teeth and being self-conscious of my appearance. Why not feel weird for a couple of years to make sure this hatred ends. I can’t even imagine the amount of confidence that I’ll have!!

October 22, 2013

I firmly believe this to be true…or I’ve yet to find one. On my own journey to getting adult braces I tried to seek refuge on the internet, but it seemed the majority of braces blogs died halfway through treatment (I want to know what happened dangit!) or the blog was super short, or there were little to no comments or feedback on the blog itself. This leads to the question, why am I doing this? Well I guess I plan to use it as a diary of sorts. I have so many thoughts, questions, and concerns dealing with these things and no one to share it with. I’m trying to keep quiet about it except for my closest friends and coworkers because…well obviously they’re going to notice eventually. I can’t keep these babies a secret. So, why not chart my journey? My progress, my thoughts, my worries, and the thousands of things I Google a day. If anyone reads this then my whole blog will be a lie! And that would make things veryyyy interesting. So let’s see where this goes. If anything else maybe I’ll have a quirky little writing sample and an example of my social media prowess….?

PS: I'm putting the dates I wrote these up in the corner, but they will not match the posted date for a few posts. I made a few entries before deciding to keep this blog..or at least try to keep it.