I am shame faced

I know nobody actually reads this blog, so maybe that's why it's been so long since I've posted. But I can't get disheartened as one day a person in my same shoes is going to want a clear picture of this experience and may stumble upon this blog.

I can't believe it's been 2 months since I've posted. A lot has happened, but not all with my mouth. But the mouth is most important so that's where I'll start. I'm getting SO happy with the progress I'm seeing. My bottom teeth are still super gross and not much is happening so far, BUT my top teeth are looking great. My one snaggle tooth has finally joined the ranks with the rest of my upper teeth. It's not as straight as it could be, but in all honesty I'm totally happy with it. Like I could have them taken off now and be perfectly fine with it, IF it wasn't for the fact that my gaps haven't closed yet.You can tell they've closed partially, but they're still big enough to be quite annoying actually. I can't wait for them to go so at least I can smile and laugh out loud without really having to block my mouth. But I do feel way less self-conscious about it. I'll start putting up before and after pictures when I'm happier with my bottoms lol.

So other than that, last month I got engaged! My wonderful boyfriend asked me to marry him and I gave a resounding yes! Now mind you, this wedding is not happening until I get these braces off, but that brings me to more good news. I thought they were joking, but my dentist is actually going to give me 2 appointments a month so my teeth more faster and so I can possibly get them off sooner and thus get married sooner. It's soo nice that they actually offered something like that. This is why I love my dentist office and my orthodontist.

So other than all of that excitement, work has been going well. I'm so much more used to it now and more comfortable. I love the job and definitely plan on setting my roots and staying there a good long while. I just have to keep doing good work and proving that I should stay. I hope all is well with you few who may read this blog. Lots of love!

Next tightening

I don't know why I keep up with this sense obviously no one reads it, but if, even in five years, this blog helps someone going through my situation, it will be worth it. Because that's what I was looking for and couldn't find enough answers.

Well I got my braces tightened again and a new wire put in. I'm starting to see more and more subtle changes, so I'm hoping this will be even more. It hurts like hell though, oh boy. This wire I think is a bit thicker and it hurts my mouth so much. My teeth are in constant pain, but I'm hoping it will be worth it. Overall I'm so used to the braces and I honestly didn't think I would get used to them this fast. They're now like a part of my body and while I'm excited for the day I won't have them anymore, I'm not wishing everyday for that day. I can relax a bit about it. The gaps are getting a tiiiiiiny bit smaller, but nothing really obvious. I can't wait until they're absolutely completely closed. And I can't wait for a vast improvement in my bottom teeth. My next appointment is March 29th and then I hope I get another one in before my friend's wedding on April 27th. And hopefully by her wedding day I'll have even more noticeable progress. We shall see. Overall still worth it and overall the braces are pretty damn easy to get used to. I can converse with new people and not feel like a freak. I mean I feel sort of uncomfortable, but it's nothing like it was. PROGRESS! :)

Wire back and I'm thrilled...in SUCH a good mood :)

Okay, anyone who's been through this journey knows it is (and I assume it is) filled with emotional ups and downs. Progress leads to positivity, stagnancy and time leads to frustration. At the moment I am just oozing in positivity over having my wire back. I'm so excited for the impending progress I can barely contain myself. Just so you're all aware, there is no real progress yet. I mean, obviously, I just got the wire back yesterday. All I feel is soreness right now, but I know things will really start moving now. I was told one of my gaps is already inching closed on its own and I feel a bit more space between two of my crowded front teeth, which is fantastic. I had felt it before though, so it's not a really new thing. I just can't wait till there's enough progress that I can start posting pictures. I know for sure by now I'm not as self-conscious about it. I even thought when they put the wire back yesterday that I'd have to go through adjusting all over again, but not so much. The wire in front of the gaps make them look a lot less gross and I don't even have to go through the thinking I look gross because the wire is back stage. Probably because I know it will only make things better. I also feel that now since they removed the other teeth, the wire is closer to my teeth, so I'm not getting any scrapping on the sides of my mouth, so no need for wax :). The wire is also not pushing my lips out as much or making me speak funny. I could even eat dinner last night without a problem. And since I've had the clear rubber bands on for 3 months now, I'm less paranoid about staining them (because it's not as bad or easy to stain them as I thought) and I'm less paranoid about eating. This lack of the usual discomfort and more confidence is really helping me out. I'm so excited for progress and charting it, I really cannot contain myself. If I see real progress by the spring/summer, I'll probably have a really great and positive summer, which I'm excited for. I may not be completely confident smiling with braces, but maybe I will like smiling more with straighter teeth :). The only reason I think I could end up being frustrated is, if in a year my teeth look perfectly straight, I'll probably get really impatient knowing I'll have to wear braces for another year anyway. But hopefully if one year goes by quickly, the next year will as well. Even though it's only been 3 months, I'm getting so used to them that except when they're tightened, or when I'm eating certain foods, I barely even notice them. I don't even have much of a problem meeting new people with them. Some barely notice, and even if they do, hey, I'm improving myself. I may be late in the game, but I'm improving, and when they're off, they're off for good and no one will ever know I had them and some won't even remember this little blip in my life. The only reason I will is because it changed my life and something I was so painfully self-conscious of. The idea of smiling and laughing without covering my mouth is such a satisfying thought, I can't wait. It will be one less thing to think about. AND I can start wearing lipstick/lipgloss without being nervous about drawing attention to my mouth!!! :D Especially since I like my lips well enough and wouldn't have a problem drawing attention to them otherwise. I'm so excited I can't even put it into words the right way. And there are things I want to do after it all ends I think. I would like to get my teeth professionally whitened, because hey, what's straight teeth without having them nice and white. If I get them whitened soon after, I'm going to want to go to tons of parties just to be around people and smile. And then maybe after that I'll find a way to fix my torn earlobe (which happened when I was super young) and can finally wear earrings. Straight, white teeth, lipgloss and earrings? I'll feel like a million bucks. And maybe, just maybe, it will be all the more sweeter knowing I got myself there by myself and for myself. Maybe my parents did me a favor ;)

Good day for now guys!! :)

All of this time and...NO NEWS

I'm so irritated. At this point I am way less upset about the missing teeth...I guess I've gotten used to it. Not enough to smile though. My gums are healing and I can eat normally. Even more so because...THEY STILL HAVEN'T PUT MY WIRE BACK IN!!! I am so livid about it I can't even form words. I was supposed to get it put back January 4th, so I could start the new job with at least the wire back in. But nope. Apparently the girl didn't put in the appointment even though she said she did, or she didn't know my ortho still wouldn't be back from vacation. So now I have to wait until next Saturday on the 18th and I couldn't be more upset. That is more than a month with no wire, no progress...NOTHING. All I can say is that I started my new job and I'd say it's going well so far. No one gives me weird looks about my mouth and I'm pretty sure I'm good enough about hiding it. It's going to take some getting used to because it's way more professional than my other job and I obviously have no idea what I'm doing yet. I hope I get more comfortable, especially since I need to stay here for awhile even if I ever planned on getting another job in the future, but I'm not sure I'll even want to..everyone at this place is so nice and it's a very close and comfortable environment, but professional, which I really like. I'm just glad these braces didn't end up standing in my way for getting a job. And I certainly hope that my next update will have SOME progress...even if it's just a half a millimeter shift of teeth.

Cheers!

Office Party and feeling better

Yesterday was my office Christmas party, the last one I'll be attending. I actually had more fun than I thought I would. I spent the whole day feeling horribly about how I look, but no one really noticed my missing teeth and I'm being very careful with how I speak for now. And I was still getting compliments that I looked good, so maybe it won't be so bad after all. I'm glad I know now that I can be around people and speak and the gaps are hidden because now I'm not as worried about starting the new job. Hopefully they won't even notice, and I already know they hired me with the braces, so that shouldn't even be an issue.

I haven't had much pain but the worst thing is not being able to eat like I want to. I did find out though that manicotti is very good for eating when you've had extractions. That and ravioli, because it melts in your mouth. Also cheese slices, broken up. I've also been drinking Ensure, but I should have gotten some yogurt. I don't know why I didn't think to buy any because it's probably the healthiest thing I could eat right now. Also manicotti cheese can still get stuck in your holes. I had to flush them last night, even though I'm still paranoid about getting a dry socket. It usually starts after 72 hours and tonight will mark 72 hours without teeth, so hopefully I'll make it passed the worry period.

I really can't wait for the holes to heal so I can eat whatever I want again, and I also really can't wait for the wire to be put back in my mouth, because there won't be any movement until that wire is back. Once I start seeing a good improvement, I'll start putting up progress pics. I don't want to start with just my ugly teeth pictures.

It's gotta get worse before it gets better

Ho boy. So extractions happened today. I feel better now, but I was hysterical before. It didn't even hurt, but it was such a traumatic experience, having teeth taken out that aren't even bothering you. And I look disgusting. I'm most traumatized at how I look. Thankfully my days at my old job are limited and hopefully I won't have to talk much to anyone. I'm so nervous about starting the new job with missing teeth. At least I'll have the wire back by then and the gaps can start closing, and hopefully the holes will be healed a lot by then and won't look too awful. I don't think they'd un-hire me just cuz of my mouth, especially since hiring people wastes so much time and money. I know when I have the wire though and the gaps I'll feel even uglier. For a second (okay more than that) I felt like I wish I could take it back; that the braces and straight teeth weren't worth the trauma. I can't even tell you right now that I change my mind. But maybe when I start the job and nothing bad happens and when the gaps start closing, I'll change my mind back and believe it to be all worth it. Right now I didn't have dinner and I'm afraid to swallow for fear of knocking out a blood clot. I have no idea how I'm gonna eat when I'm afraid to drink water. This is really uncomfortable and it's not a good day. Only cool thing is the missing teeth and blood and slightly pointy teeth look like I should be in a vampire movie. Maybe I should do that right now before I start a new job hahaha.

Hopefully I'll be in a better mood next post. At least I can say one thing: my boyfriend was so supportive and let me cry hysterically on his shoulder. Then when I calmed down he got me to laugh and he made jokes so that made me feel better. At least I'm not alone in this, I just wish I could talk to someone who went through it. See ya guys!

Wires out, extractions in a few days, freaking out

Let's start this post off with some good news! I got the job I wanted! This is the first job I got on my own that I will be accepting. No help, I didn't know anyone on the other side. I just applied, interviewed, and got what I wanted. I feel very proud and happy about this. Not so happy that I'll be starting the job with gaps in my mouth though >_>. At least I get to start when I wanted to, in January, rather than in an exact 2 weeks. So hopefully the extractions will be healed and I won't look as awful. But the gaps will still be noticeable I fear, as you will soon see why.

I got my wires taken out yesterday and it became more real that I will be having 4 fine teeth removed and I was so sick and worried I almost puked. I'm so worried about the consciousness of the whole experience, the gaps I'll have after, the fact that nothing is wrong with those teeth, I just don't have the room for them. It's all so nerve wracking. The assistant was trying to make me feel better which was nice, but...I'm still so nervous. Pulling teeth is like horror movie status for me. Also I found out I'd be getting my wires put back in TWO WEEKS later. Cuz of course my ortho is going on vacation. So I have to wait two weeks with no wires, just noticeable large gaps that won't close even a bit because I won't have wires putting pressure on them to close them! Here I thought I'd have two weeks for the wires to close the gaps even a little bit and now I'm going to have two days. Only two days before I start my new job. They won't be closed even a half of a centimeter. Not even a millimeter. I bet nothing is going to happen. And I have to start a job, with gigantic hill billy gaps and braces. It makes me sick thinking about it. My ortho said the teeth will move toward the gaps even without a wire and I pray she's telling the truth because I need some progress before I start the job. I'm so afraid of how this will look it makes me miserable. Sooo nervous. I know it's progress but damn. And I really hope that because it costs a business so much to find new workers that I won't get fired right away from this job because I'm hideous to look at. I'm going to have to find a way to look as professional and pulled together as possible since I'll be toothless....UGHHHHHH I HATE THIS.

PS I broke a bracket and I've been eating like a paranoid person and STILL broke it. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH