Office Party and feeling better

Yesterday was my office Christmas party, the last one I'll be attending. I actually had more fun than I thought I would. I spent the whole day feeling horribly about how I look, but no one really noticed my missing teeth and I'm being very careful with how I speak for now. And I was still getting compliments that I looked good, so maybe it won't be so bad after all. I'm glad I know now that I can be around people and speak and the gaps are hidden because now I'm not as worried about starting the new job. Hopefully they won't even notice, and I already know they hired me with the braces, so that shouldn't even be an issue.

I haven't had much pain but the worst thing is not being able to eat like I want to. I did find out though that manicotti is very good for eating when you've had extractions. That and ravioli, because it melts in your mouth. Also cheese slices, broken up. I've also been drinking Ensure, but I should have gotten some yogurt. I don't know why I didn't think to buy any because it's probably the healthiest thing I could eat right now. Also manicotti cheese can still get stuck in your holes. I had to flush them last night, even though I'm still paranoid about getting a dry socket. It usually starts after 72 hours and tonight will mark 72 hours without teeth, so hopefully I'll make it passed the worry period.

I really can't wait for the holes to heal so I can eat whatever I want again, and I also really can't wait for the wire to be put back in my mouth, because there won't be any movement until that wire is back. Once I start seeing a good improvement, I'll start putting up progress pics. I don't want to start with just my ugly teeth pictures.

It's gotta get worse before it gets better

Ho boy. So extractions happened today. I feel better now, but I was hysterical before. It didn't even hurt, but it was such a traumatic experience, having teeth taken out that aren't even bothering you. And I look disgusting. I'm most traumatized at how I look. Thankfully my days at my old job are limited and hopefully I won't have to talk much to anyone. I'm so nervous about starting the new job with missing teeth. At least I'll have the wire back by then and the gaps can start closing, and hopefully the holes will be healed a lot by then and won't look too awful. I don't think they'd un-hire me just cuz of my mouth, especially since hiring people wastes so much time and money. I know when I have the wire though and the gaps I'll feel even uglier. For a second (okay more than that) I felt like I wish I could take it back; that the braces and straight teeth weren't worth the trauma. I can't even tell you right now that I change my mind. But maybe when I start the job and nothing bad happens and when the gaps start closing, I'll change my mind back and believe it to be all worth it. Right now I didn't have dinner and I'm afraid to swallow for fear of knocking out a blood clot. I have no idea how I'm gonna eat when I'm afraid to drink water. This is really uncomfortable and it's not a good day. Only cool thing is the missing teeth and blood and slightly pointy teeth look like I should be in a vampire movie. Maybe I should do that right now before I start a new job hahaha.

Hopefully I'll be in a better mood next post. At least I can say one thing: my boyfriend was so supportive and let me cry hysterically on his shoulder. Then when I calmed down he got me to laugh and he made jokes so that made me feel better. At least I'm not alone in this, I just wish I could talk to someone who went through it. See ya guys!

Wires out, extractions in a few days, freaking out

Let's start this post off with some good news! I got the job I wanted! This is the first job I got on my own that I will be accepting. No help, I didn't know anyone on the other side. I just applied, interviewed, and got what I wanted. I feel very proud and happy about this. Not so happy that I'll be starting the job with gaps in my mouth though >_>. At least I get to start when I wanted to, in January, rather than in an exact 2 weeks. So hopefully the extractions will be healed and I won't look as awful. But the gaps will still be noticeable I fear, as you will soon see why.

I got my wires taken out yesterday and it became more real that I will be having 4 fine teeth removed and I was so sick and worried I almost puked. I'm so worried about the consciousness of the whole experience, the gaps I'll have after, the fact that nothing is wrong with those teeth, I just don't have the room for them. It's all so nerve wracking. The assistant was trying to make me feel better which was nice, but...I'm still so nervous. Pulling teeth is like horror movie status for me. Also I found out I'd be getting my wires put back in TWO WEEKS later. Cuz of course my ortho is going on vacation. So I have to wait two weeks with no wires, just noticeable large gaps that won't close even a bit because I won't have wires putting pressure on them to close them! Here I thought I'd have two weeks for the wires to close the gaps even a little bit and now I'm going to have two days. Only two days before I start my new job. They won't be closed even a half of a centimeter. Not even a millimeter. I bet nothing is going to happen. And I have to start a job, with gigantic hill billy gaps and braces. It makes me sick thinking about it. My ortho said the teeth will move toward the gaps even without a wire and I pray she's telling the truth because I need some progress before I start the job. I'm so afraid of how this will look it makes me miserable. Sooo nervous. I know it's progress but damn. And I really hope that because it costs a business so much to find new workers that I won't get fired right away from this job because I'm hideous to look at. I'm going to have to find a way to look as professional and pulled together as possible since I'll be toothless....UGHHHHHH I HATE THIS.

PS I broke a bracket and I've been eating like a paranoid person and STILL broke it. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Feeling better, but anxious

Well I have to say I have much improved since the last post. I no longer feel as gross, I'm not really in pain (except for the occasional wire rubbing), and eating doesn't feel as awkward. HOWEVER, I am super super super anxious about these extractions. I'm not looking forward to really not being able to eat, and I'm not looking forward to being seen with missing teeth, or the pain, or the fear of dry socket...any of those things. And of course my work Christmas party is a day and a half afterwards, and I won't even be able to eat. I'm so not looking forward to the gaps, but I am looking forward to the progress it will bring. I've heard so many things ranging from the gaps close within a month or two, to it could take about a year. But considering my braces wearing period will be 2-2.5 years, that means for more than half of it I'll probably have straight teeth, albeit in braces, but straight! What I've always wanted. And the way I look with the braces really doesn't bother me enough that I'll hate looking at myself for the full two years. Once my teeth are straight, even with the braces, I'll feel so much better and more confident. I have to keep telling myself this because the fear of these gaps is insane.

On a side issue, I STILL haven't heard back from my interview and I'm so super nervous about it. I really, REALLY want that job and now I'm worried what if I don't get it. At least I know it won't be from my braces, but still...I want it :( I've been waiting so long for a strong job lead and I don't want to lose this one. Especially since I've been looking for 6 months, scored 3 interviews at different jobs, but still no yes? WHYYY

At least I won't have gaps at a new job... sigh. Hopefully better news next time guys!